At that moment, there was an adrenaline rush in her. She was quick to saying yes to us having to hang out again. Even with a 3% battery life, she popped open her phone to exchange contacts with me for us to make it happen, and she even replied her text with a cute emoji. So what then happened as to why she neither replies her texts nor take her phone calls anymore? Ghosting?
Well, here's a story of a guy (me) who met a beautiful white lady at the bus stop. She was stranded on that day having left her house keys back at home. You see, the only way she could get back in was if her flat mate comes back from work, hence, she must wait at the bus stop for an extra 3 hours.
How did I get this much information within just a few minutes I had while waiting for my bus? That's exactly what I'm trying to say, we instantly connected on a level that I hadn't even expected with a white girl. I can't really remember how we began a conversation but she expressed how difficult it is for her to make friends, which is actually true about the people of Scotland. She expressed how employers in Glasgow must make you work every penny for every hour you are being paid for, and this is unlike the country side in England where she's from.
She had just relocated from England with her parents less than 3 months ago and she's taking some time to adjust, hence her excitement to meet someone new at the bus stop on this day.
As I checked that my bus may approach in a few minutes, I quickly asked if I could visit her sometime with my Scrabble board and go a few rounds and we can learn more about each other's backgrounds. She instantly said yes, pointing right to her flat which was a few steps from the bus stop.
Now, a few days have passed and still no text replies nor phone calls, even though she had replied to my earlier text. So, how do I feel about this?
I would not lie that I don't feel ghosted, but there's a certain feeling of satisfaction that comes with it. The satisfaction of knowing that she probably accessed herself2, and as much as finding a new friend is cool, but is a Black friend really what she wanted?
This is not in anyway a racist mindset at all, some just find it easier to build deeper connections within their racial and cultural limits – I find it just a thing of preference. I could as well choose to only make friends with the black people around me and it shouldn't be a big deal.
I however feel satisfied that she has saved both of us the stress of investing in what won't last, rather than pretentiously being cool with me for a longer time.
As much as she's expressed her loneliness in a new city, loneliness should not be a criteria to open your doors to just anyone. She doesn't know me and I don't know her. Again, this is why self assessment is important1.
Moral of the story: Genuine connections are valuable, but it's essential to understand that people have their preferences when building relationships. Managing expectations and self-assessment play crucial roles in fostering authentic connections.
FURTHER READING ⬇️