Embracing Winter Nostalgia: Why I Miss the Cold

People look at me crazy whenever I say that I miss the winter. As a Nigerian man, I find it hard to embrace the so-called warmth of spring and summer. Let's be real, 15° is not exactly beach weather for me. Even when it reaches a relatively warmer 22°, the heat inside the house can become unbearable, especially without air conditioning. Opening windows for fresh air brings in unwanted noise, flies, and insects. So, let's dive into the debate and ask ourselves, are spring and summer time truly worth it?

1. The Nigerian Perspective:
As a Nigerian, the typical warm temperatures of spring and summer don't always align with my preference for comfort. When it's just 13°, I can hardly imagine going shirtless on the beach like white people do. We're used to warmer climates, and that's where our comfort lies. So, is it fair to expect me to embrace temperatures that are still far from what I consider warm?

2. The Heat Dilemma:
Spring and summer can bring scorching heat, making daily life quite challenging. In the UK, hardly would you find homes with air conditioning, so it's difficult to find relief indoors. Then opening windows for ventilation becomes a double-edged sword, as it invites in pesky insects and outside sounds like speeding cars and sounds of the wind. The struggle between heat and comfort becomes a constant battle during these seasons.

3. Winter's Cozy Comfort:
Winter, on the other hand, offers a different kind of comfort. With functioning heating systems, it's easier to keep warm indoors. Proper clothing can easily ward off the cold when you're outside, and stepping outside into a chilly breeze after some physical work can be refreshing rather than uncomfortable. Winter provides an opportunity to snuggle up and enjoy cozy indoor lifestyle without feeling overwhelmed by the heat, especially if you have a functioning heating system.

4. A Matter of Preference:
The debate between the seasons ultimately boils down to personal preference of course. Some people thrive in warmer climates, enjoying the vibrant energy and outdoor activities that come with spring and summer. Others, like me, find solace in the chilled embrace of winter. This is where we should recognise that people have different preferences when it comes to everything in life.

5. Finding the Middle Ground:
While it's easy to take sides in the winter versus spring/summer debate, finding a middle ground can be the key to a more enjoyable experience. Embracing the best of both worlds, such as seeking shade and cool spots during warmer months or enjoying indoor activities during winter, can provide a balance that suits individual preferences. Ultimately, it's about making the most of each season and finding personal comfort within them.

The nostalgia for winter is not uncommon, even in the face of spring and summer's warmth. While some may relish in the energy and outdoor activities that spring and summer bring, others find comfort in the chillness of winter. Again, everyone have their own preferences and probably struggling to find a balance that suits personal comfort. So, whether you're a lover of cold or a fan of warmth, finding joy in each season is what truly matters.

Which season do you prefer?

Break the Ice: Initiating Conversations for Deeper Connections

As a self-proclaimed extrovert, one would think that social gatherings are my playground. I thrive in the company of others, feeding off the energy and interactions that unfolded in such settings. However, there is always one aspect that consistently bothers me: the presence of awkward silence. It isn’t just the discomfort of those uncomfortable pauses; it’s the absence of connection that come with it.

For me, silence holds a certain weight, it isn't just about filling every moment with noise or seeking attention; it’s about acknowledging the presence of others in the room. It’s about the simple act of recognising that we were all sharing a space, breathing the same air, and existing in the same moment. It’s an unspoken invitation to connect, even if it’s just through a brief exchange of pleasantries or a shared understanding of our shared experience.

I understand that not everyone feels comfortable engaging in small talk, and I respect that. I recognise that some people find solace in silence and that it could serve as a time for reflection or personal space, but I don't think this should rather be achieved in a social gathering.

In many instances, I find myself breaking the ice. I would strike up conversations, share stories, or ask open-ended questions to bridge the gap and create connections. While this often results in being labelled as talkative, it isn't a very accurate portrayal of my intentions. It’s not a desire to dominate conversations or monopolise attention; it’s simply my way of fostering an inclusive and engaging atmosphere.

But as I reflect on these experiences, I've learned that building meaningful connections require a collective effort. It can't fall solely on one person, it's a shared responsibility 1.

So, the next time you find yourself in a social gathering, I encourage you to embrace the power of connection. Take a moment to acknowledge the people around you, engage in genuine conversations, and create a welcoming space for everyone. Remember that silence doesn't have to be awkward; it can be an opportunity to listen, observe, and appreciate the company of others. By collectively embracing these principles, we can foster a sense of community and cultivate meaningful connections that go beyond surface-level interactions.

In a world where technology often dominates our interactions, let's reclaim the power of genuine connection and make every social gathering an opportunity for authentic engagement.


FURTHER READING ⬇️

1. Being lonely serves no one. Loneliness is correlated with poorer mental health, increased health issues, decreased immunity, and even early mortality. The World Health Organization has declared loneliness a public health concern. https://medium.com/mind-cafe/how-to-create-a-meaningful-connection-with-almost-anyone-770598a7d665

Rethinking Success: Challenging the ‘Stoop to Conquer’ Mentality

Growing up in Nigeria, I heard the saying “stoop to conquer” countless times. It's often used as a motivational phrase to encourage young people to work hard and make sacrifices in order to achieve success. However, as I've grown older and experienced more of life, I've come to realise that this saying is not for everyone.

At its core, “stoop to conquer” implies that in order to achieve something great, you must first humble yourself and do things that may not be desirable or enjoyable. It suggests that you must be willing to sacrifice your own wants and needs in order to reach a higher goal. And while there is certainly some truth to this idea, I believe that it can also be harmful and misleading.

For one thing, not everyone wants to conquer anything. Some of us are perfectly content living ordinary lives that are free from the pressures and stress of trying to achieve greatness. We may have different priorities, such as spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies or passions, or simply enjoying the simple pleasures of life. And there's nothing wrong with that1.

Furthermore, the idea of “stooping” in order to conquer can also be problematic. It indicates that there is something inherently wrong or inferior about the act of stooping, as if it is a sign of weakness or lack of character. But in reality, there is nothing wrong with being humble or doing things that may not be glamorous or exciting. In fact, these traits can be incredibly valuable in many aspects of life.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that we should never strive for greatness or push ourselves to achieve our goals. There is certainly value in setting high standards and working hard to achieve them. But I do believe that we need to be careful about how we approach this idea of “stooping to conquer.” We should recognise that it's not for everyone, and that there are many different paths to success and fulfilment in life.

So the next time someone tells you to “stoop to conquer,” take a moment to reflect on what that really means for you. Is it something that resonates with your values and goals? Or is it just another piece of empty advice that may not be relevant to your life? Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to success, and that it's up to each of us to define our own path forward.


FURTHER READING ⬇️

1. Again… life can be cruel, disappointing and lonely at times. But this should not disparage you from being appreciated for what you do have and the people in your life. https://www.happierhuman.com/practice-humility/

Managing Compassion Fatigue: The Unique Anxiety of Helping Others

Anxiety can be a debilitating and overwhelming experience that can make it difficult to function in everyday life. But what happens when we're not the ones feeling anxious? What about when we are faced with someone else's anxiety, and it begins to affect us on a personal level?

As someone who is hardly ever anxious, I can confidently say that I am generally able to remain calm in difficult situations. However, I have come to realise that a particular type of anxiety builds in me when I am faced with people who are anxious, especially over a problem that is solvable.

This experience often causes a personal conflict within me, as I am passionate about helping others, yet the anxiety of someone else is affecting me on a personal level.

This type of anxiety is known as “compassion fatigue,” also referred to as the “cost of caring.” Compassion fatigue is the physical, emotional, and psychological exhaustion that comes with caring for and helping others who are suffering. This experience can lead to feelings of burnout, hopelessness, and resentment1.

While compassion fatigue is commonly experienced by those in helping professions, such as nurses and therapists, anyone who regularly helps and cares for others can be affected.

At first, I couldn’t relate to why one could feel this way. I would think something is actually wrong with me for not being able to “fix” the problem. However, I have since learned that it's essential to acknowledge our limitations and recognise when we need to recharge and take care of our own selves.

In order to manage compassion fatigue, it's important to maintain a balance between helping others and taking care of ourselves. This can be done by practising self-care regularly, setting boundaries1, establishing a support system, and seeking help when needed.

We need to recognise that it's okay to feel overwhelmed and burnt out, and that taking time for ourselves is not selfish but rather necessary for our own well-being.

Compassion fatigue is a real experience that affects many people who care for and help others. It can cause personal conflicts and turmoil, but with proper management and self-care, it is possible to balance our compassionate nature with our own well-being. Let's embrace the power of self-care and compassion and learn to manage the cost of caring.


FURTHER READING ⬇️

1. Compassion fatigue involves emotional and physical exhaustion that can affect people who have been exposed to other people's traumas or stressors. https://www.verywellmind.com/compassion-fatigue-the-toll-of-caring-too-much-7377301

Know Thyself: The Key to Successful Relationships

So, before you embark on any new stage in your life, you always go through some form of assessment, don't you? Whether it's applying for college, a new job, or trying out a new hobby, we always ask ourselves questions like, “Who am I? What do I have to offer? Do I meet their requirements? Do I understand what's expected of me?”

But what about when it comes to relationships? Why don't we put the same level of energy and effort into assessing ourselves and others before diving straight into the dating pool?

I mean, let's be honest, we've all at some point jumped headfirst into relationships without really thinking it through. You meet someone new, and all of a sudden, you're in love, despite barely knowing the person.

With over 8 Billion people on this planet, why put so much pressure on ourselves to find that one person, especially if it’s at the expense of our own happiness and well-being?

We hardly ever take the time to ask ourselves the important questions like, “What are my values and beliefs? What do I want in a partner? What are my deal-breakers?”. Sometimes breakups happen and we can’t tell why. We don’t have something feasible to go back to access and re-access. Who knows, the fault may be from us.

It's important to understand ourselves before we can truly understand what we want. We need to know what makes us tick, what we're passionate about1, and what we're looking for in a partner.

And it's not just about self-reflection; it's about being honest with ourselves and with others. If we're only looking for a casual fling, then we shouldn't lead someone on, pretending that we want something more. It's not fair to them nor to ourselves.

Now, I'm not saying that we need to over-analyse the risks of finding someone for ourselves, but I do think that taking the time to assess ourselves and what we want before jumping into a relationship is essential2.

So, if you're someone who's looking for love, or probably even just friendships, take a step back and reflect on what you want as a person. Take the time to understand your own self, your values, your deal-breakers, and your passions. Trust me; it'll make the journey harder of course, but much more fulfilling.


FURTHER READING ⬇️

1. Self-awareness allows us to identify what makes us unique in terms of our thoughts and actions. Having all this information can be empowering; you are more likely to be introspective and ready to decide on your intentions when you know yourself, which is an important element of healing and transformation. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-empowerment-diary/202201/self-awareness-and-setting-intentions#:~:text=Self%2Dawareness%20allows%20us%20to,element%20of%20healing%20and%20transformation.
2. But it's also important to enter a partnership as a whole, well-rounded person — as someone who can contribute to the health of the relationship. https://www.bustle.com/life/does-instagram-notify-users-when-you-send-grid-post-via-dm-direct-message

Embracing Mindfulness: My Journey towards Clarity, Empathy, and Discernment

As I continue to explore the concept of mindfulness and its many benefits, I find myself amased at how it has positively impacted my life. In particular, I have noticed how it has helped me with making decisions, sharing empathy, and understanding what is and isn't worth my time.

For decision-making, mindfulness allows me to slow down and rationalise when faced with choices. Instead of quickly jumping to conclusions, I now take the time to consider my options and weigh the consequences of each choice. Of course, I am yet to master this skill 100%, but occasional practices have made me to make more informed and thoughtful decisions, leading to better outcomes.

It has also helped me to share empathy and be present in the moment. By living in the now, I am better able to understand and feel what others are going through, allowing me to connect with them on a deeper level. This helps me to improve my communication skills, build meaningful relationships, and create a more positive atmosphere around myself.

By being mindful, I am now able to identify what is and isn't worth my time. In the past, I used to commit myself to tasks and relationships that did not serve my best interests. Now, I have a clear sense of what activities fulfil me, and whom I should be spending my time with. I am now able to focus my energy on things that matter, bringing fulfilment and satisfaction into my life.

Exploring the concept of mindfulness has been a transformative journey for me. It has helped me develop a deeper understanding of myself, my relationships, and what I want from life. By embracing mindfulness, I have learned to be more present, compassionate, and decisive, leading to an enriched and more fulfilling existence.

My Open Book: Thoughts, Reflections, and Insights

Whenever I meet someone new, I often disclose how much of an open book I am.

I am someone who believes in being transparent and honest with people. I find that this approach helps to build trust and establish strong connections with others, and that is precisely why I decided to go forward with creating this blog.

This blog is my attempt at proving just how open my thoughts are. Here, I'll be sharing my reflections, insights, and perspectives on a wide range of topics. From my personal experiences to my opinions on social issues, you can expect to find a diverse range of content on here.

One thing to make clear is that I don't intend to follow a strict publishing schedule. Life can get busy, and sometimes it's hard to find the time to sit down and write. But what I can guarantee is that whenever I do publish a new post, it will be open to everyone, just as my mind is.

So apart from what has been explained above, why else did I decide to create this blog?

Well, I believe that everyone has something valuable to offer the world. We all have unique experiences, insights, and perspectives that can help others. And I want to do my part in sharing what I've learned so far in life, and what I keep learning.

Additionally, I believe that being open and transparent is crucial for building meaningful relationships. When we're honest with others about who we are and what we believe, we're more likely to attract like-minded individuals and foster deeper connections1.

Of course, being open and transparent isn't always easy. It requires vulnerability and the willingness to be seen for who we truly are. But I believe that it's worth it in the end.

Through this blog, I hope to inspire others to be more open and transparent in their own lives. I want to encourage people to embrace their unique perspectives and share them with the world, without the intent of hurting anyone of course.

So what can you expect from this blog? As I mentioned earlier, the topics I cover will be diverse. One day, I might share a personal story about a challenge I faced and how I overcame it. Another day, I might offer my thoughts on a current event or social issue.

Regardless of the topic, you can expect my posts to be honest, open, and reflective. I'm not afraid to share my vulnerabilities or admit when I don't have all the answers. And I hope that through my openness, others will feel inspired to do the same.

In summary, I'm excited to embark on this blogging journey and share my thoughts, reflections, and insights with the world. I hope that my posts will resonate with a few. After all, we're all writing our own stories one way or another, and it's up to us to make them as authentic as possible2.


FURTHER READING ⬇️

1. Disclosing what we’re thinking and feeling helps us build trust and intimacy. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/casual-close/201907/is-the-secret-close-friendships
2. "I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear." https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/cecilia-knapp/how-writing-can-heal_b_9142246.html